Mar 10, 2015

I Don't Know

I don't even know if I am faking everything.

Sometimes I feel like I pretended to be happy,
I pretended to laugh at jokes,
I pretended to look at things only at their positive sides
I pretended to seem optimistic, humorous & understanding at all times
Sometimes I feel like I had done so much on motivational words for my friends. I don't even know myself anymore. What was I so positive about when I am the one who is losing the battle? Its like telling them to climb the mountain because it will be all worth it in the end while you're still down there staring at the peak of the mountain not knowing where & how to start.

I guess I was really faking.
I don't know.

I avoid that "susah hati" countenance when I am around my parents.

Was I pretending?
I don't know.

Can people fake happiness though?
I don't know.

But feelings cannot be faked kan.....
I don't know.

But afterall, there really isn't anything to be unhappy about.
I have almost everything any daughter would ever want in her life.

Picnic di pagi hari mengadap bunga hihi so sweet

I have an annoying but awesome Ayah. I meant it...Ayah is soo annoying. Dah tua2 pun he still mengamuk about tedious things and I swear to god they are so damn boring to listen to. He would nag for 3malam 3hari about the same damn thing. Holy crap. I am a 24/7 daughter and you know how that feels like? hella its a heaven. I could never imagine a home without Ayah.

And I'd like to wish selamat hari wanita to all the women who ever existed in my life and a special thanks to my one and only Mak. You are another cause of annoyance in this house hahaha just like ayah but tell me what is HOME without you two? You both are my sweethearts.

Talk about international women's day reminds me of one unforgettable memory during my senior year in high school. My physical education teacher made us dance in the middle of the gym in front of the whole school. We were seniors so she thought it would be a big contribution to the school and people would love to watch us dance. Plus, its our last year so why not be part of it for one last time. We honestly thought it was a total embarrassment and tried to came up with stupid plans to escape but none worked out haha. Most of us had tests/presentations and all sorts so it was almost impossible to skip school that day. But guess turns out to be FUN! It was kind of stupid I wish I had a topeng or something to cover my face so people wouldn't noticed but couldn't help it. Semua cikgu, juniors, freshmen, budak2 sekolah rendah and even kindergarten came to watch. It wasn't just US in the middle of the gym, there were many other students representing their grades dancing tapi according to choreography masing2. It wasn't formally done, I guess it was more like a flashmob. That was one really unforgettable experience that would never failed to make me smile whenever I think about it....I wonder if anyone recorded the moment....I even forgot the song already.....I should have kept it.*sigh*

I wish time would stop a moment. So I'd have the time to think peacefully and without worrying that time always runs out.

Despite the fake-ness all these while, it all comes back to the Almighty.
What is there to worry about when you have Allah....
 “Berdoalah kepada-Ku, Aku (Allah) akan memperkenankan doa permohonan kamu…” (Surah al-Ghafir, ayat 60)

I know that we can't have all that we desire, but Allah will give us all that we deserve cause he is the best of all planner. Always wanna keep that in mind.

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