I Don't Know

I don't even know if I am faking everything.

Sometimes I feel like I pretended to be happy,
I pretended to laugh at jokes,
I pretended to look at things only at their positive sides
I pretended to seem optimistic, humorous & understanding at all times
Sometimes I feel like I had done so much on motivational words for my friends. I don't even know myself anymore. What was I so positive about when I am the one who is losing the battle? Its like telling them to climb the mountain because it will be all worth it in the end while you're still down there staring at the peak of the mountain not knowing where & how to start.

I guess I was really faking.
I don't know.

I avoid that "susah hati" countenance when I am around my parents.

Was I pretending?
I don't know.

Can people fake happiness though?
I don't know.

But feelings cannot be faked kan.....
I don't know.

But afterall, there really isn't anything to be unhappy about.
I have almost everything any daughter would ever want in her life.

Picnic di pagi hari mengadap bunga hihi so sweet

I have an annoying but awesome Ayah. I meant it...Ayah is soo annoying. Dah tua2 pun he still mengamuk about tedious things and I swear to god they are so damn boring to listen to. He would nag for 3malam 3hari about the same damn thing. Holy crap. I am a 24/7 daughter and you know how that feels like? hella its a heaven. I could never imagine a home without Ayah.

And I'd like to wish selamat hari wanita to all the women who ever existed in my life and a special thanks to my one and only Mak. You are another cause of annoyance in this house hahaha just like ayah but tell me what is HOME without you two? You both are my sweethearts.

Talk about international women's day reminds me of one unforgettable memory during my senior year in high school. My physical education teacher made us dance in the middle of the gym in front of the whole school. We were seniors so she thought it would be a big contribution to the school and people would love to watch us dance. Plus, its our last year so why not be part of it for one last time. We honestly thought it was a total embarrassment and tried to came up with stupid plans to escape but none worked out haha. Most of us had tests/presentations and all sorts so it was almost impossible to skip school that day. But guess what....it turns out to be FUN! It was kind of stupid I wish I had a topeng or something to cover my face so people wouldn't noticed but couldn't help it. Semua cikgu, juniors, freshmen, budak2 sekolah rendah and even kindergarten came to watch. It wasn't just US in the middle of the gym, there were many other students representing their grades dancing tapi according to choreography masing2. It wasn't formally done, I guess it was more like a flashmob. That was one really unforgettable experience that would never failed to make me smile whenever I think about it....I wonder if anyone recorded the moment....I even forgot the song already.....I should have kept it.*sigh*

I wish time would stop a moment. So I'd have the time to think peacefully and without worrying that time always runs out.

Despite the fake-ness all these while, it all comes back to the Almighty.
What is there to worry about when you have Allah....
 “Berdoalah kepada-Ku, Aku (Allah) akan memperkenankan doa permohonan kamu…” (Surah al-Ghafir, ayat 60)

I know that we can't have all that we desire, but Allah will give us all that we deserve cause he is the best of all planner. Always wanna keep that in mind.

My daily routine while Mak was away at kampung

I always wanted to update, always wanna! Akhirnya berkesempatan juga aku nak menghupdate lepas kepulangan Mak ke rumah lewat petang semalam.

Mak has been away for about a week. Plan asalnya nak balik hari Ahad selepas 3hari di Bandar Baharu haritu. Tapi oleh kerana keadaan tak mengizinkan, Mak terpaksa menangguhkan pemulangannya ke pangkuan suami dan anak2 tercinta untuk menjaga Makcik Zauyah di kampung halaman. She might be going again to Bandar Baharu this Sunday though as Ayah convinced. He thought it would be much of a help to Tok(My Grandma) and he said we would be okay here. Konon lah kan.

I start my day as early as 6.45pagi. Lepas segar2kan diri terus ambil penyapu dan sapu ruang atas. Tak banyak sangat pun dalam 10-15mins dah boleh settle sebenarnya cuma aku ni seorang yang teliti sikit so it takes a little longer. Sapu hari-hari pun mesti ada habuk sebab rumah ni memang sentiasa terbukak&terpelahang(hahaha ayah style) for ventilation. Udara keluar masuk jadi banyak lah habuk. Dah la banyak tingkap.

Our tiny-miny mini library

Ruang melepak dan bersantai kami adik-beradik

Opposite to the mini library, ada 3buah bilik. Bilik abang, yal dan ifwat. Kadang2 kalau rajin je aku buat servis housekeeping. Servis free doh berbaloi ke nak buat hari2? Dah la time consuming. Bilik semak dan lelaki memang tak boleh dipisahkan. Bau apatah lagi. Astaga. Speechless menengok bilik depa nih sakit jiwa. Mana taknya, ayah kalau datang visit ruang atas boleh terus naik angin bila bukak pintu bilik diorang. Ahahahahh. Seterusnya ialah usaha menyapu dan mengemas bilik kesayangan. Bilik pun kecik aje tak banyak barang so it doesnt take long to kemas and sapu. I love my room so so soo soooooooo much!!! I would never asked for more. Syukur2.

My tiny pinky bedroom

Sambil2 kemas bilik, Kakak and I akan sama2 usaha kejutkan Muhammad Imtiyaz. Kitorang konpius sebenarnya dia ni Nur Insyirah atau Muhammad Imtiyaz. Tidur, lepak dan mandi semua kat bilik kitorang yang perempuan ni. Alasan dia bilik kitorang besar. Iyekan je la. Apa susah sangat nak mengaku sayang kakak2 lebih hehehe. *perasan* Aku mandi&siapkan dia seperti menatang minyak yang penuh, haha ape kene mengena entah. Rasa kesian sangat tengok dia tanpa Mak. So I as a sister tried hard to curah sepenuh kasih sayang while mom was away. I gave him all my love sampaikan kari roti canai tumpah atas iPad pun aku tak marah langsung. Boleh imagine tak betapa penyabarnya aku membela si kecik ni sepanjang ketiadaan mak. Dia nak apa semua bagi. He is such a sensitip boy. Nampak je macam tak kesah dengan keadaan sekeliling, padahal he cares most. Hari pertama&kedua, dia merungut mengamuk juga balik sekolah tengok mak takde. Hari ke-3,ke-4 dan seterusnya dia dah tak sebut langsung dah. Kalau tanya rindu mak ke tak dia jawab sepatah je. Macam tu perangai sensitip dan merajuk dia.

Sepanjang pemergian Mak ni, Imtiyaz sangat2 comel. Comel sangat I kenot lahhhh. He was in his exam week and always look forward to do revision when he got home after school which I find really really cute. Bagus adik kakira ni rajin belajar. Semoga terus rajin dan sukses ye sayang omey kakira.

Thats my bae

Gambar di atas ni dia siap awal and sempat lagi study for his exams. Hari sebelum tu dia sound aku hantar lambat sebab cikgu warning hari periksa jangan datang lambat. Padahal dia yang sengaja lambat. Dah nak keluar pintu rumah, boleh pulak sakit perut. Subahanallah sabar je la. Imtiyaz ni rajin sangat macam calon SPM pulak dah lagak dia study. I rempitz hantar dia ke sekolah and he always wanted me to hantar&ambil dia from school. Dia taknak abang yal ambil sebab bawak laju. Yal ni memang satu rumah dah complain dengan speed memandu dia yang tak boleh belah and tak sayang nyawa. Semoga Allah beri yal taufik dan hidayah untuk sayang nyawa sendiri.

Alkisah ruang bawah pula. Lapang sangat kalau menyapu tu memang sampai tahap menitis peluh gegirl aku. kuikuikui. Lepas balik hantar Imtiyaz, sediakan breakfast untuk ayah atas meja. Letak je roti, butter, jem dan kaya. At least prepare something atas meja. Nanti ayah balik dari jogging baru rebuskan telur setengah masak. Lepas jogging ayah akan cabut rumput dulu kat luar. Around 9 baru duduk di meja makan dengan iPad dia sambil breakfast. Sambil tu aku menyapu&mengemas apa yang patut.

I am always impressed with ayah's healthy lifestyle. He is always a role model to all of us in the family. Kadang2 rasa susah juga bila Mak takde kan sebab bigboss ni semuanya nak properly prepared. Kalau lunch meal kena ada sayur. Maksudnya besides main menu kena ada sayur. Kalau nak ikut cara pemakanan, memang healthy lah kan that way sebab balance ada semua stages of nutrisi makanan. Tapi kalau tinggal kitorang adik beradik je memang tak kesah. Satu lauk je pun dah cukup(senang, simple) Also, ayah ni style semua kena hidangkan(nicely,properly) untuk dia. He would appreciate it if we put all the effort with plating and present everything nicely. I think im cool and good with that so I dont really mind. Ahahahah poyo sangat puii.

Aside of all his cerewet-ness, sebenarnya mudah jugak nak jaga ayah ni because he is a really good time manager and that what makes it becomes easy for me to prepare anything. Takpe, ayah memang taktahu buat apa2 kat dapur tu. Peti ais pun dia tak pernah bukak. Time makan, dia akan datang basuh tangan dan terus duduk je. Thats my ayah. Malangnya ada juga perangai tu turun kat anak2 lelaki dia. Aduh malang malang. Korang bajet raja macam ayah pula kan. Cermin diri sikit. Ayah ni time breakfast, time lunch, time hi-tea, time dinner semua tetap setiap hari that makes it easy. Dia takde tiba2 rasa lapar nak makan ni mintak air ni mintak makan tu pada waktu2 yang tak sesuai. Memang takde langsung perangai tiba2 lapar ikut nafsu serakah makan macam kitorang. Very disciplined and punctual. I adore him. Tapi harus ada something lah sebab kalau idok membebel lah dia waktu tazkirah nanti. Such "ayah respect masa korang, kenapa korang tak boleh respect masa ayah?........blablabla"

Lepas settle bawah, breakfast ayah dan sidai kain, Im off upstairs again to water the plants. Wuuu something I always look forward to. Excited sangat nak siram pokok sebab nampak outcome from it. Pokok bunga ira dan kakak sangat cantikss.

Pintu bilik Kakak and I ada access to this beauty balcony

Favorite flowers out of the many, bunga ros jepun

Semangat Jepun kami tak habis lagi. Kalau boleh semua benda nak kena ada element jepun. We miss Japan so badly so we wanted to make everything worth reminding us of Japan. Sambil siram, boleh la usya2 anak teruna pakcik rumah depan. Bukan dia usya aku, aku usya dia k. Ambil masa juga ni nak membelai&menyiram pokok. I am very detailed when working sebab I want the outcome to be perfect. Worth all the time and effort.

Then baru I get to mandi dan bersihkan diri(The best part of all). Lepastu pergi ambil Imtiyaz pulak. Atau kalau dah malas or terlewat sikit hentak2 ketuk2 bilik Yal puas2 suruh dia bangun ambik Imtiyaz from school. Makan tengah hari kadang2 masak kadang beli. Kalau nampak macam intense cara aku menyapu and busy semacam pagi tu ayah akan suruh yal beli je lauk. And most of the days ayah suruh beli kesiankan anak dara dia ni. Kesian apa lah sangat kan bukannya ayah suruh I panjat pokok kelapa.Tapi ada beberapa hari I offered to cook sebab muak pula nanti kalau asyik beli. Masak simple and easy dishes je. Dari pukul 12 to 2.30 memang peak hours. Sangat busy dekat dapur. Selalunya by 3o'clock dah boleh melepak sambil membahagiakan diri dekat bilik and say "I made it"

Look into his eyes....I cant.....

I love you bebi boi

Lepas lunch kena mandikan dan siapkan bebiboi untuk pegi mengaji. Lepastu baru kakira boleh beraktiviti bebas. Catch up with studies or window shopping in instagram. Atau menghabiskan masa dengan adikku yang tercinta. Heheh. Movie time ke and anything I wanna do. I signed up for SAT(an american test) saja nak mengisi masa lapang. Ehehhh. Cehhhh. Yeke? Entah. Ke amerika ke kita. hahaha. In your dreams ira. So I have to fill in my bajet-busy-daily-routine to somehow study. I have to study everyday and fokus k ira!. Thank you Ayah sudi bayarkan the exam fee untuk ira. You never gave up to educate me walaupun ira selalu fail in life. *cries* Macam mana nak balas jasa Mak dan Ayah ni. I hope my life ends up good(sederhana) so I can balas jasa Mak Ayah in the future. We all have our goals in life kan. I really-really wanna make time for my parents when they need me, just like how they make time for me when I need them around.

Around 4.30 I need to get up again and prepare a hi-tea for Ayah. He will have his minum petang lepas balik dari surau for asar nanti. Kalau rajin I'll bake something for him. Kan banyak dekat youtube you can just be creative and have fun in the kitchen. Tak sedap takpe, just show that you put a little effort to please your ayah's tummy. Lepastu aktiviti bebas lagii........

Kakak will be home from work at around 5.30, time tu aktif la kami berdua bergosip kat dapur. Sambil tu juga kami akan fikir nak masak apa untuk makan malam. Susah2 sangat beli capati je. Kitorang makan malam ringan2 je. Kalau ada nasi lebih dari lunch tadi, boleh la menggoreng makan adik beradik. Ayah will stick to his capati or roti. He doesnt eat berat2 for dinner. Petang tu ayah akan sambung berkebun atau menguruskan rumputnya di laman luar. I love how ayah is always consistent and focused in his work.

100% hasil titik peluh ayah, tak berapa lawa lagi but almost there

Waktu maghrib, yang lelaki semua diwajibkan ke surau. Lepas maghrib, kami ada sesi tazkirah/taklim kat rumah. We do this everyday except when ayah stay for ceramah at the surau. Ayah will be reading ayat from the quran with tafsir and then kinda relate it to real life situation. Kalau ada abang, he(most of the time) will read the hadis. Both are really fun and interesting to listen to. Cause ayah is sooo an otak komputer, he always has a lot of knowledge to share with us. We learned  a lot of new things from the tazkirah everyday. Lepas isyak berjemaah, we eat dinner together. Id make sure dapur is extremely clean and everything is in placed before I go to bed. I hate hate hate hate leaving dapur dalam keadaan bersepah atau kotor. Not even a single dust. haha k over exaggerating plakss.

Then the same routine continues for the whole week while Mom was away. Penat juga sebenarnya sebab takde pembantu. Orang lelaki dalam rumah ni seriously takde sumbang langsung untuk tolong buat kerja2 rumah. Tahap pinggan sendiri pun tak basuh. Tapi takpe, diorang tak membantu bab kerja rumah, they help out in other matters. Hurmmmmmmmm ada eh? Haha, really ada. Semua orang plays different roles kan in our house. Mak masak in the kitchen, ayah berkebun in the laman and as well as your siblings. Family completes us. Now that Mak is home, rasa lega sikit sebab I dont have to worry thinking what to prepare for meal tomorrow. Thats what I do everynight before I go to bed. I do the same thing though, mengemas, menyapu, sidai kain setiap hari. Cuma rasa beban tanggungjawab tu ringan sikit. And most importantly, I get more time to study and prepare for my SAT.

Im enjoying life. I love home, family and everyone whos been supporting. Arigatou. I just wanna focus for SAT now and stop worrying about what the future holds. We plan things, but Allah knows what would work for us. Allah lebih tahu.

Have a great weekend everyone!!